Oh, the Fun of Country Living!

 

You might want to put down whatever you’re eating, cuz this is going to get buggy gross, in a scientific, exterminator, anti-pestilence but helpful sort of way.

 

When we returned from a recent vacation, I was making coffee one morning, half asleep, sans eyeglasses. I did a double-take… what’s that??! A scorpion in my porcelain sink, under the stainless steel rack. You ain’t in the Hilton anymore, girl.

 

Now I’m awake. I peer closer.

 

Yuck. What’s that freaky mini-dinosaur doing in there? Since he’s not washing the dishes, he’s gonna die. But how? I can’t hose him down the drain, cuz of the drain guard; one of his crooked legs will hold on for dear, undrowned life. And I can’t squish him in the sink, cuz I’ll just have to scoop his mashed body out (shudder). Here in the country we don’t have garbage disposals, which his crunchy exoskeleton would probably break, anyway.

Grossed out and wide awake now, I remember how to get this prehistoric pest out with minimum fuss.

 

Have I got News for you! A gift! A great, wise, Life Hack for you who reside with undesirables of the tiny variety. 

 

Sticky Traps! They go by various names and brands, but they serve the same purpose: once the pest ventures aboard the sticky goo, they’re stuck. For goo-d.

Sticky Traps are a simple piece of medium weight cardboard with a mighty adhesive on one side. Some are ingeniously designed to fold into a box shape (sticky side in) to catch rodents and other vermin, and to keep them from view of the tender-hearted among us. 

And now for a commercial break (don’t touch that dial):

 

[rattling squeaky noise]

Pouty Lips: “Furry Bear, what’s that noise in the back room? Go check it out!”

You: “Don’t worry, Pouty Lips, it’s just a rat, or maybe a stout mouse, struggling in the New and Improved Sticky Trap Sticky Box!”

Pouty Lips: “Oh, that’s horrible! How could you?!”

You: “No, Pouty, it’s better when they roll. Now their fur is really trapped and they’ll never get out. Bwa-ha-ha.” 

Now Back to the Episode of The Scorpion in the Sink…

I cast about for a somewhat unused Sticky Trap, cuz the fuller ones are harder to bend against the sink’s curved wall, and something gross might fall off.  I gingerly extracted a relatively unoccupied Trap from under our antique Hoosier cabinet, conveniently located in the kitchen. I brought it to the sink, lifted the rack a bit, and pressed the Sticky Trap against the scorpion! Ha ha, there he is, stuck on his back, now ‘playing dead’ with his nasty bony legs in the air. Success!

Just for fun, I blew on him and sure enough, his legs beat the air ferociously, thrashing to his heart’s content (if he had a heart), but to No Avail! Since there was plenty of vacant real estate on the trap, I carefully carried/flew him on his Magic Carpet Ride back under the Hoosier cupboard.

As you see, I’ve cleverly discovered how to use the Sticky Trap in a non-traditional way: off the floor. 

 

But wait!  you ask, “Are there more ways to use it?”

Yes! And I’m So Glad you asked!

Besides placing Sticky Traps on the attic or basement floor, where the higher species often may not travel, you can use Sticky Traps where you actual live!  I just place them under my furniture, where I’m not apt to step on them myself. Sometimes I’ll position a wire cake rack over the pad, if I’m concerned the precious kitties will inadvertently step on one. And just to ensure quick coverage, I’ve been known to place Sticky Traps next to a nightlight. That’s when the party really starts!

 

Wait! There’s more! Got troubles with wasps and other flying critters? Don’t want to spray your windows? Don’t want to whack your plants and other windowsill decorations? Just press the sticky side upside the pest, and Presto! No more airborne menace!

How about those bowls of seasonal fruits that draw tiny fruit flies?

No problem! Merely place a bit of soured fruit on top, and Voila! The little gnatties can’t help but stick! Call the kids, and wave the Sticky Trap over the bowl for family fun!! You’re bound to catch a couple slow flyers. You’ll be an Ace in no time!

 

 

The beauty of Sticky Traps is they’re non-toxic (to the species who matter) and quick and clean and flexible! No need to spray chemicals to drown some miserable mite! No messy guts and (heaven forbid) microscopic babies to wipe up! Simply—lightly—press, and remove!

Think that’s too easy? You’re right! In fact, Sticky Traps are quick, silent, and unobtrusive! Simply place one under your furniture, and forget! Depending where you live (and how often you clean), your Sticky Trap may remain in place for months, or until all the sticky space, usually just the edges, is occupied.

Sticky Traps have no harsh chemical smell. Worried about the smell from leaving insects on the trap? You won’t have to, unless your name is Peter Parker, or you have Insect Senses! Once one bug is stuck, they all come. Bugs are guaranteed to smell the decay, especially from a soft-sided salamander. They’ll come to investigate, just to be ensnared with their potential snack out of reach! Oh, the beauty of being at the top of the food chain!

 

 

Need another reason to choose Sticky Traps? They’re economical!

No need for expensive exterminators! We hired the professionals for years and the scorpions flourished! (The Bug Men must have been spraying the Vermin Fertility Beverage.) When we changed companies, to the More Toxic One, the scorpions disappeared, which was great! Unfortunately, every quarter when it was time for the Professional to return, we had boxes and luggage and inherited stuff along the walls where he sprayed. Who has time to rearrange furniture and vacuum for the exterminator! Just lay a Sticky Trap and walk away!

Best of all, there’s no wiring involved! No bulky, expensive batteries to replace after one cootie catch! Once you snag one unlucky pest, chortle with glee as you fly their frantic, feeble, fighting carcass back under your furniture to catch the rest of the curious (or cannibalistic) clan.

A Testimonial:

 

Before we renovated our house, Sticky Traps were our Exterminator of Choice due to a poorly enclosed porch. (“Honey, do you see the outside through the bottom of the old door?”) One day I found a snake, yes, a real reptilian legless worm thing, stuck to the trap. (See the incredible picture!) No, I didn’t let it stay there and rot, I asked my son to take it out (yes, still stuck to the trap, don’t complicate this, friends) to separate it from its head. When my son reluctantly obeyed, ha ha, he accidentally, and I don’t blame him one bit, tilted the trap, and Shazzam! The scorpion, which had enticed the hapless snake earlier in the night, plopped into Mr. Snake’s mouth. Ahh, The Last Meal.

Legal Disclaimer:

 

OK, to be honest, I really didn’t give the Sink Scorpion a Magic Carpet Ride… transport from the sink to under the Hoosier obviously changed elevation, and swerved a bit, but there was no Magic involved, except Human effort balance, navigation and aiming. There was no great thrill or enthusiasm; I didn’t say, “whoosh” and he didn’t go, “whee!” (Although he might have gone ‘wee’ out of sheer terror and being upside down and all. I don’t know how scorpions tinkle). I just want to be clear on that ride thing.

Don’t email me for your own ride. 

An Extra Tip:

 

And because You Read Before Midnight, here’s an Extra Tip!

If you place sticky traps, oh, say under a bed in your guest room, be sure to remove them before guests visit with their own bona-fide, legitimate pets. Oh, the hilarity when my son’s cat discovered our innocent sticky trap under the bed…in the middle of the night. Ree-owr! The thrashing! The chasing! The lingering adhesive goop. The marathon Cat Toilette (Grooming) Session. Hey! There’s yet another use for Sticky Traps: get rid of your unwanted Guests! Say goodbye when your guests’ Precious Furr-babies get  stuck again and again!

2 thoughts on “Tired of Country Critters? Read On, My Friend!

  1. I am laughing out loud over your description of the poor cat…
    I am also imagining that you won’t have as much company as you used to as a result of this post! 🙂

    • Ha! I thought about that, Susie… but for everyone who doesn’t come, won’t there be insect-lovers that do visit, even if it’s just to check my traps?

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